Bored....

People ask me how does it feel to stay home, alone for most part of the day...The answer is bored of course! Finding the ‘right thing’ to do can be a lot more challenging than doing the thing ‘right’! One stays at home for a lot of reasons like taking care of the household, kids,  dislike of commute (to workplace) and I can go on...

I stayed at home after moving to a new place, quitting a job that was challenging and lovable at the same time! Thinking that after all the hard-work, I deserved a break from the rut of it all and more importantly to adapt to the new environment.

I do enjoy my ‘alone’ time, doing things that I never had the time to do before, be it as simple as catching up with friends I had lost contact with. Then there are the never ending chores of the day that need to be taken care of. But I also miss getting ready to a new challenge for the day, the fear of not being prepared well enough, getting caught off-guard, the rush every morning and the stress at the end of each day...I am certainly not the first person and surely not the last one to have this love-hate relationship with my job!

At the end of the day when my head doesn’t hurt with a throbbing pain and stress of the day, when I dont have to worry about who said what about whom, how much of it is true and more importantly not being conveniently dumped on or 'delegated’ with the work that is not remotely mine, I don’t know whether to be happy or sad...And here I thought the answer to that question is obvious!

Can work really be fun? Fun I am choosing to deprive myself of? Is it the only identity? I dont have answers for these questions yet but when I think of the extra hour of sleep on a rainy day, curled in my blanket when the whole world rushes through the traffic and all, I think I am not totally out of line to think that it is a privilege to stay back and take a break!

Let me for a while ‘work from home’...no not through the schemes that promise you ‘so many dollars’ for ‘so many hours’. Let me enjoy the time as a vacation well earned. Because sooner or later I will have to go back and be a part of the rut and when the extra work is dumped on me let me not curse myself for not enjoying today!


---Still bored
Urooj Fathima

29!

What comes to your mind when I say ‘Turning 30’? 'Old’ ? Painful’? ‘End of an era’?

Sounds complicated? God Yes! Honestly, I don’t know. I might be a while before I turn 30, but I really want to know what the big deal is! Will I be stepping in to old age? Become ancient? Boring? As I said earlier, I don’t know but I really want to know! It is a fear and a real one at that! I know I sound paranoid....but time is ticking and I am looking hither-dither for answers. Is it just me or everyone on the wrong side of 20 feeling the same?

The last time I checked, no one wants to get old. I am no exception and the last time I was hoping that time comes to halt was when I was a 'sweet’ 16 year old! I just did NOT want to turn 17. Period! Everyday (well not literally!) I knew it was an 'uphill’ journey spiraling downwards on the calendar inching closer and closer to the dreaded date that will change something very dear to me.

But I am trying to stay calm, hoping that the ‘dreaded’ birthday just comes and goes like a giant tidal wave and I will hopefully remain like a rock on the shore, strong and unperturbed!
But is it really possible to remain calm and composed when such a major change awaits you? Is it really possible to look at age as just a number? Can I make peace with the fact that whenever and wherever I mention my age, the number will no long be '20 something'? The very thought of all this is a little unnerving.

So, what is the big deal? My age, instead of starting with a ‘2' it will be ‘3’. Is it so bad? Can a 'slight’ change in the number drive me up the wall? It does not drive me mad but still does ‘something’...It bothers me! After-all, I was used to being in my 20s for the last 10 years and that is not a small time. I have definitely gotten used to it and more importantly attached to it!

All this hullabaloo over aging might sound vain and superficial but I am sure I am not the first person and will certainly not be the last one to think this way! I don’t know if there will be a physiological change or not. I am not sure what the rules are but I am definitely going to miss my 20s.

I will remember them fondly as the time I made great friends, graduated and got my first job and of course, the highpoint in life when I got married, as the journey that transformed me from a little girl into a matured individual that I am today...

Love you my 20s and its not good-bye yet!

Well, I hope to enjoy the remainder of ‘life before 30’ and ease into my 30s and rock on! I wish to create fabulous memories and live life to the fullest and hopefully when time comes to bid adieu to my 30s, the transition into 40s will make me reminisce my 30s, as fondly as I am remembering my 20s today!

Don’t you all agree?


Urooj Fathima