Cold and cozy

Temperatures suddenly plummeted by at least 10 degrees this week in Dublin and the rest of Ireland. It's currently 11° Celsius in Dublin and the highest temperatures ranging between 8° C to 12°C in rest of Ireland. The daytime might be cool, dry and fresh today, however, the nighttime temperatures are set to drop to a shivering 1° C to 4°C, all across the country.

The trees, everywhere, have the robust autumnal yellow, green and red foliage spilling over the driveways and the backyards, the parks and the streets, as if to inject life and beauty in the shorter days.

It's also the time to change the wardrobe to suit the weather.

Hey, it's so not like me to make up excuses to go shopping! No. Really. Okay you got me!

What is that about winter and Fashion? It's as if splurging is the prerequisite to this season. Dressed from head-to-toe with handpicked, snug outfits, everyone look 'proper' and elegant. The faux fur coats, the cashmere scarves, the calfskin heel boots, the suede or leather gloves and the colorful beanies make a versatile style statement for the ladies.

The elegant Chesterfield coats, the multi colored scarves, the fleece gloves, the flat wool caps with a short brim complete the classic handsome look.

Let's not forget the duffel slippers that everyone needs with their fleece pajamas at home, while sipping the hot coca with the fire-place crackling in the background.

Another winter favorite are the chunky cabled sweaters and cardigans knit with the Celtic yarn or the Aran yarn that remain an eternal Irish fashion fetish. It can be knit for men and women. It looks adorable on kids too. Many knitters take it as a personal challenge to get the cables perfect like their mammies and grandmas!

It's a great time to dust-off those needles and crochet hooks or even start a new hobby. Both men and women can make wonders with the right yarn and attitude. Knitting is a fun way to keep the fingers nimble and the mind agile. With tons of free tutorials on Youtube, coveted patterns shared by the online community of crochet 'hookers' and knitting geniuses, it's not the sky, but your imagination, that is the limit!

The joy of making something with your hands for your loved ones that stays with them long after the turkey is digested, now that's a gift!

The daylight may be getting shorter, but streets and shopping centers are only going to get busier. With the clock ticking (albeit an hour back) and the daylight reducing by the day, at least the vibrant colors outside and the million things to shop for everyone, are a reminder that it's just 50 days to Christmas. Yes, the countdown has begun!

Urooj Fathima 

Harassed

I recently watched a video of a woman walking down the streets of New York, being harassed a total of 108 times in ten hours! I also watched the one titled ‘man in New York’ walking and sharing his experience. The original and the parody, both are doing the rounds on the net, being posted and reposted, commented and condemned, by millions around the world.

In just about 24 hours since the ‘experiment’ was conducted by actress Shoshana B.Roberts, the video has attracted over 15 million views on the net. Whoa! All hail the power of the mighty Internet.

As I watched a straight-faced Shoshana walking down the streets of New York, as she is sometimes greeted but mostly cat-called, harassed and stalked, all with a stoic nonchalance. I couldn’t help but think of the many times I had to watch my back on the street, at the bus stop, in the movie theater, in the elevator and I can go on.. because some men feel that they can whistle, cat-call, sing , leer, stare and even paw off at me or any other girl. All this because some men seem to confuse the public spaces to be their personal ‘harems’ to which they have unlimited access! It’s not just frustrating but scary at times and it doesn’t help that some can go from zero to ‘outrage’ in ten seconds.

Shoshana walks with a single-minded determination to ‘expose’ the daily ordeal of a woman on streets. The barrage of comments on the video ranged from sympathy, to apology, to pointing out her ‘vanity’ and took a dangerous turn to the ‘rape threats’! Boy that escalated quickly!

A ‘rape threat’, really? For a video on sexual harassment? Oh the irony! or Oh the patriarchy?

Let’s see, an exposé on sexual harassment  can have truly diverse opinions and responses. It could be empathy, denial or even dismissal but CAN rape be one of them? Since when did it become an option? Or has it been the case all along? The real issue now is not so much the offense (i.e., the ordeal of that woman on the street…) It is the fact that, the response to it is an even bigger offense. Too confusing? Quite like the issue itself. On the one hand, men and women all over the world who watched Emma Watson deliver the heart-felt speech at the UN HeForShe campaign, are loving or/and hating, but at-least talking about the dreaded ‘F’ word- ‘feminism’. On the other, the ‘response’ to being harassed on street is not moral outrage, but the moral outage!

Forget the dirty leering, unwelcome touching and obscene gestures but even using seemingly ‘innocent’ names like ‘sweetie’, ‘beauty’, ‘babe’,etc. may appear harmless at the outset but the point is, it is NOT your right, place or privilege to do that to a complete stranger. It is NOT flattering, it is not wanted. It is not welcome. JUST STOP IT!, for it is a woman’s space too!    Oh! Also, did I forget to mention a dress is not an invitation for sexual harassment?
‘He’ does not have to be FOR ‘She’. He and She can definitely co-exist but only if there is room and respect for both on the streets, in the restaurants, in the means of public transport, in the theaters, hell, even in the dark alleyways.  We don’t need sermons on ‘feminism’ and ‘gender equality’, just sanity and common sense. ‘ShewithHe’

-Urooj Fathima

Child-free

                  To have or not have is the question of the hour!


Yes, you read it right! It’s ‘child-free’ and NOT ‘child-less’. One implies physiological inability and the other is a right and an option.
I (and my husband, of course) choose a life without kids. No, we are not misanthropes, yes, we had a great childhood and most importantly, we are very secure adults. I cannot possibly stress enough, the fact that its a choice…a conscious decision to lead a life without children.


Today, gender transformation, homosexuality, atheism etc. are not taboos.
I am not equating these issues with being child-free. They are not the same, I agree. But the point I am trying to make is the same. My life, my choice and I am not apologetic about it!


Being child-free is not an easy decision to make.  It requires more effort and investment than planning a child! You have to be very sure of everything. Yes, I mean everything…. you have to do a lot of soul searching along with your partner if you two are ‘enough’. Do you complete each other? Do you really think this long life is even without the joys that do come along with a kid? Will I ever regret not having kids in future? Can you survive the social pressure? Can you take another one of those pitiful looks you get each time you tell someone you have no kids what so ever? How do you deal with look of ‘horror’ on the faces of people, akin to that of a 6 year old on learning ‘there is no Santa’!

Over and above, do you really want to ‘go’ without leaving anyone behind? These life-changing doubts and questions are difficult enough without being subject to scrutiny from every Tom, Dick and Harry. Add the ticking time-bomb of a biological clock… Yes, that’s pressure! Too many questions and very few people to understand and/or consult with.


Well, kudos to the people who do it. But not being a parent is not an endless parties, evasion of responsibilities, concerts and evenings out. In fact, its about a quiet night, a meaningful conversation with your spouse, investment of time, energy and youth in doing something you want to and not something you have to! It’s about steering your life in a direction you want to.


I am not saying these joys are not possible with kids, but to say that a life without one is ‘incomplete’ or ‘superficial’ is plain wrong. In fact, it is a decision of such magnitude that it  involves more consideration and planning than a decision to have have kids! It requires a certain level of selflessness to make peace, going against a very primal urge to procreation, to not leave your biological imprint behind!


It is also a moral stand against the notion that a woman is a birthing machine!
There are a thousand reasons to have a child and a thousand arguments to not have one… BUT only one is right…the right of a child to be born in a family that loves and wants it. Otherwise, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.


Everyone wants to wake up in the morning to have something to look forward to, and just because the ‘bundle of joy’ does not come wrapped in a poopy diaper, does not mean that life cannot be worthwhile!

– Urooj Fathima