Child-free

                  To have or not have is the question of the hour!


Yes, you read it right! It’s ‘child-free’ and NOT ‘child-less’. One implies physiological inability and the other is a right and an option.
I (and my husband, of course) choose a life without kids. No, we are not misanthropes, yes, we had a great childhood and most importantly, we are very secure adults. I cannot possibly stress enough, the fact that its a choice…a conscious decision to lead a life without children.


Today, gender transformation, homosexuality, atheism etc. are not taboos.
I am not equating these issues with being child-free. They are not the same, I agree. But the point I am trying to make is the same. My life, my choice and I am not apologetic about it!


Being child-free is not an easy decision to make.  It requires more effort and investment than planning a child! You have to be very sure of everything. Yes, I mean everything…. you have to do a lot of soul searching along with your partner if you two are ‘enough’. Do you complete each other? Do you really think this long life is even without the joys that do come along with a kid? Will I ever regret not having kids in future? Can you survive the social pressure? Can you take another one of those pitiful looks you get each time you tell someone you have no kids what so ever? How do you deal with look of ‘horror’ on the faces of people, akin to that of a 6 year old on learning ‘there is no Santa’!

Over and above, do you really want to ‘go’ without leaving anyone behind? These life-changing doubts and questions are difficult enough without being subject to scrutiny from every Tom, Dick and Harry. Add the ticking time-bomb of a biological clock… Yes, that’s pressure! Too many questions and very few people to understand and/or consult with.


Well, kudos to the people who do it. But not being a parent is not an endless parties, evasion of responsibilities, concerts and evenings out. In fact, its about a quiet night, a meaningful conversation with your spouse, investment of time, energy and youth in doing something you want to and not something you have to! It’s about steering your life in a direction you want to.


I am not saying these joys are not possible with kids, but to say that a life without one is ‘incomplete’ or ‘superficial’ is plain wrong. In fact, it is a decision of such magnitude that it  involves more consideration and planning than a decision to have have kids! It requires a certain level of selflessness to make peace, going against a very primal urge to procreation, to not leave your biological imprint behind!


It is also a moral stand against the notion that a woman is a birthing machine!
There are a thousand reasons to have a child and a thousand arguments to not have one… BUT only one is right…the right of a child to be born in a family that loves and wants it. Otherwise, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.


Everyone wants to wake up in the morning to have something to look forward to, and just because the ‘bundle of joy’ does not come wrapped in a poopy diaper, does not mean that life cannot be worthwhile!

– Urooj Fathima

Devastated!

Yes, I am devastated, as is every Indian by the news of the death of 'Nirbhaya'.

All of 23 years, this brave girl's life ended in a hospital with tubes jutting out of her body! Little did this girl who dreamt of a career in healing people, imagine that her untimely last breath should come in a hospital. Irony?

Countless protests, candle-light vigils and debates cannot bring back her life, dignity or for that matter restore my faith in human decency itself!

'Nirbhaya', you may be gone but everytime a girl is harassed on the street, your agony will be re-lived. Thousands of conscienceless, perverted brutes walk the streets, waiting only for an opportunity. Sadly, this will not be the last of the heinous crimes committed on a woman. Will it? 

I am dejected, hurt and deeply disturbed by your death. Words cannot express my anguish at your death.... But I would like to say  I am sorry. I am sorry, you did not deserve this painful death. You deserved a life of dignity, a chance to accomplish yourself in the society, a shot at a having family and so much more...

The least this country can do for you is punish the guilty and make the streets a safer place for  women, laud you for fighting back till the very last breath, even after facing the adversity of the magnitude that very unfortunately befell upon you. For that I salute you!

As cynical as this sounds, newspapers will find something else to write about, people will move on with their lives. But I hope that the perpetrators of the crime will get the due punishment they deserve and some more! I urge and pray that their punishment be a deterrent for any thug who thinks about unleashing himself upon a woman.

To think that you are gone saddens me...but I light up with the thought that you are in a better place now. I bid you a tearful good-bye and thank you. Thank you for inspiring women to fight back, you sent a message that, no matter what, one should not take these dastardly acts lying down. You are a fighter. You are a martyr!

----Urooj Fathima

A Housewife

Yes, you heard me! I did not say a 'stay at home' wife or mom or a 'homemaker'. As long as you play the part of a wife and/or mother you are going to be a 'home maker' whether or not you have a 'job'. So, why this need to sugarcoat and make it technically correct? Why is it so offensive if someone refers to a woman as 'just a housewife'? The answer is right there! To me the word 'just' is offensive and not 'housewife'.

This blog is not about women and unemployment. And I am definitely not saying nor suggesting that once a woman is married she should stick to the four corners of the house. A thundering NO! This is about one's decision to stick to a particular job role unabashedly and unapologetically! In fact, if the man and woman know what they are doing I dont see why a man cannot bake the bread while the woman  earns the dough!

Why should you squirm and feel inferior just because your priorities are different? I think true freedom is when you can actually do what you want. Is it not what we ultimately aspire for? Hats off to the women who bring home the bacon and help the kids with their projects too!  But being on a payroll should not be the sole yardstick for someone's worth and dependency. A woman may not have a fixed monthly income but that does not mean she is without work. Her path is not an 'easy way out'.


Speaking of women who are a part of the daily grind called 'employment', are they having (not to forget earning) their cake and eating it too? If you think they are guilt-free, you are way off! For many of them it means now there two places with no appreciation!

Being a wife and/or a mom is a full time job in itself and often a thankless one at that!
If 'homemakers' feel inadequate with their choice, 'career women' carry the iniquity of guilt. Guilt of 'not being there', of 'missing out' and what not. And if there are exceptions to these rules, some women who are actually comfortable if not content with their choice, the otherwise unhelpful relatives and peers are right there to remind them of the same!

Often, women work long hours both inside and outside the house. They neglect themselves completely, lose their health, interests and even identities, all in the quest of the elusive approval. Bending over backwards to appease someone is a norm among women across cultures and yet it is rarely requited with recognition, forget about the much deserved appreciation! Whatever they do they are expected to do some more. This pursuit of pleasing is endless.

We all have one life where our actions count so let us just live! To every woman (and man too) I just want to say, go out and do everything that gives meaning to your life. Family is a sanctuary of love, solace and comfort. Don't make it an impediment, it never is! Do your part and help others do theirs. Give yourself a break! After all, you are doing a 'job' with so many risks, hazards and demands. You are worthy of commendation and certainly not shame.


Urooj Fathima
- A relocated, fat, grownup, proud housewife ;)