As a child I often thought suffering and diseases and pain were a
part of life... of later life... say, when you are feeble and 80. But
when you are barely 30 and 'struck' with misery, you are at a loss of
the very perception of life you held and thought to be the truth. You
suddenly realize, you don't know life at all... you have to reevaluate
everything... your notion of youth and its exploitation, your to-do list
for various stages of your adult-life and your plans for a future which
has now become your present... In a moment you are not just inflicted
physically, you stand at the very threshold of life which is no longer
the same as you thought, planned and once knew!
Readjusting your ideas, beliefs and perceptions is hard but changing everyday habits... well, now you have officially crossed-over to an alternate universe where talking involves flapping your ears and eating means batting your eyelids!
Think this is an exaggeration? Just ask someone to go cold-turkey on smoking or worse, the most addictive drug known to man and woman, chocolate!
Chronic pain, stemming from physical ailments and injuries is tough, exhausting, well, a real pain-in-the-you-know-where... And God save you if your pain is actually coming from your rear, you really have to re-learn the basic movements like picking, walking and sitting, you took for granted all your life and never gave a rat's ass before! Well, now you do. Welcome to your new life. You just cant sit on it. Pun intended!
Sometimes, you find yourself envying anyone whose biggest worry is to meet a deadline. Did I say, there is every possibility you might have to quit your job? It all becomes about 'those small things' you miss...The daily battle before you step out to work, that starts with the smashing of your alarm clock. The rush to accomplish certain critical tasks, with the mastered art of sprinting all along. Like, shoveling food in your mouth and simultaneously picking your bags. Oops! you just dropped some papers from the file and just when you thought you are out-of-the-woods, crap! you have to run back into the house because you forgot the life-saving phone charger. Breathing a sigh of relief, you are striding out and OUCH! you knocked the soft part of your knee on a meticulously camouflaged piece of furniture like your couch, something that only you are capable of!
You grind your teeth real hard so those expletives are not hurling like a artillery on a battlefield, for all your neighbours to hear... You are in the car, thinking the worse is behind you and the traffic is just a sad little reminder of your illusions for the day coming crashing down right before your eyes and HARD!
You realize that among the things you miss from your previous life are not those snazzy nights, painting the town red but these mundane, laborious and banal activities you hated...everyday! You cant help but feel a little pathetic..really! Then you are sad and the little voice in your head starts harassing you with "I should have done that" speech. And now you are depressed and finally insane! Sadly, its just another day!
Wounds need caring and dressing. The ones that are visible are easier to cover and on some days, exact some sympathy (trust me, you need it at times).
But how do you account for a prolonged course of anguish, frustration and unproductivity to even your nearest and dearest when the injuries are literally beneath the surface? It's hard... for you and those around you... The channel of disruption goes both ways, you see...
They say time is a great healer. Well, sometimes that is exactly what you are running out of... along with your peace of mind and tons of pain meds. Frankly, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Even after one too many adjustments and paradigm shifts in the perception of life, what does not change is the pinching and aching that starts in the morning and ends...well, I will be the first to tell you when it happens....
--Urooj Fathima
Readjusting your ideas, beliefs and perceptions is hard but changing everyday habits... well, now you have officially crossed-over to an alternate universe where talking involves flapping your ears and eating means batting your eyelids!
Think this is an exaggeration? Just ask someone to go cold-turkey on smoking or worse, the most addictive drug known to man and woman, chocolate!
Chronic pain, stemming from physical ailments and injuries is tough, exhausting, well, a real pain-in-the-you-know-where... And God save you if your pain is actually coming from your rear, you really have to re-learn the basic movements like picking, walking and sitting, you took for granted all your life and never gave a rat's ass before! Well, now you do. Welcome to your new life. You just cant sit on it. Pun intended!
Sometimes, you find yourself envying anyone whose biggest worry is to meet a deadline. Did I say, there is every possibility you might have to quit your job? It all becomes about 'those small things' you miss...The daily battle before you step out to work, that starts with the smashing of your alarm clock. The rush to accomplish certain critical tasks, with the mastered art of sprinting all along. Like, shoveling food in your mouth and simultaneously picking your bags. Oops! you just dropped some papers from the file and just when you thought you are out-of-the-woods, crap! you have to run back into the house because you forgot the life-saving phone charger. Breathing a sigh of relief, you are striding out and OUCH! you knocked the soft part of your knee on a meticulously camouflaged piece of furniture like your couch, something that only you are capable of!
You grind your teeth real hard so those expletives are not hurling like a artillery on a battlefield, for all your neighbours to hear... You are in the car, thinking the worse is behind you and the traffic is just a sad little reminder of your illusions for the day coming crashing down right before your eyes and HARD!
You realize that among the things you miss from your previous life are not those snazzy nights, painting the town red but these mundane, laborious and banal activities you hated...everyday! You cant help but feel a little pathetic..really! Then you are sad and the little voice in your head starts harassing you with "I should have done that" speech. And now you are depressed and finally insane! Sadly, its just another day!
Wounds need caring and dressing. The ones that are visible are easier to cover and on some days, exact some sympathy (trust me, you need it at times).
But how do you account for a prolonged course of anguish, frustration and unproductivity to even your nearest and dearest when the injuries are literally beneath the surface? It's hard... for you and those around you... The channel of disruption goes both ways, you see...
They say time is a great healer. Well, sometimes that is exactly what you are running out of... along with your peace of mind and tons of pain meds. Frankly, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Even after one too many adjustments and paradigm shifts in the perception of life, what does not change is the pinching and aching that starts in the morning and ends...well, I will be the first to tell you when it happens....
--Urooj Fathima
