Cold and cozy

Temperatures suddenly plummeted by at least 10 degrees this week in Dublin and the rest of Ireland. It's currently 11° Celsius in Dublin and the highest temperatures ranging between 8° C to 12°C in rest of Ireland. The daytime might be cool, dry and fresh today, however, the nighttime temperatures are set to drop to a shivering 1° C to 4°C, all across the country.

The trees, everywhere, have the robust autumnal yellow, green and red foliage spilling over the driveways and the backyards, the parks and the streets, as if to inject life and beauty in the shorter days.

It's also the time to change the wardrobe to suit the weather.

Hey, it's so not like me to make up excuses to go shopping! No. Really. Okay you got me!

What is that about winter and Fashion? It's as if splurging is the prerequisite to this season. Dressed from head-to-toe with handpicked, snug outfits, everyone look 'proper' and elegant. The faux fur coats, the cashmere scarves, the calfskin heel boots, the suede or leather gloves and the colorful beanies make a versatile style statement for the ladies.

The elegant Chesterfield coats, the multi colored scarves, the fleece gloves, the flat wool caps with a short brim complete the classic handsome look.

Let's not forget the duffel slippers that everyone needs with their fleece pajamas at home, while sipping the hot coca with the fire-place crackling in the background.

Another winter favorite are the chunky cabled sweaters and cardigans knit with the Celtic yarn or the Aran yarn that remain an eternal Irish fashion fetish. It can be knit for men and women. It looks adorable on kids too. Many knitters take it as a personal challenge to get the cables perfect like their mammies and grandmas!

It's a great time to dust-off those needles and crochet hooks or even start a new hobby. Both men and women can make wonders with the right yarn and attitude. Knitting is a fun way to keep the fingers nimble and the mind agile. With tons of free tutorials on Youtube, coveted patterns shared by the online community of crochet 'hookers' and knitting geniuses, it's not the sky, but your imagination, that is the limit!

The joy of making something with your hands for your loved ones that stays with them long after the turkey is digested, now that's a gift!

The daylight may be getting shorter, but streets and shopping centers are only going to get busier. With the clock ticking (albeit an hour back) and the daylight reducing by the day, at least the vibrant colors outside and the million things to shop for everyone, are a reminder that it's just 50 days to Christmas. Yes, the countdown has begun!

Urooj Fathima 

Harassed

I recently watched a video of a woman walking down the streets of New York, being harassed a total of 108 times in ten hours! I also watched the one titled ‘man in New York’ walking and sharing his experience. The original and the parody, both are doing the rounds on the net, being posted and reposted, commented and condemned, by millions around the world.

In just about 24 hours since the ‘experiment’ was conducted by actress Shoshana B.Roberts, the video has attracted over 15 million views on the net. Whoa! All hail the power of the mighty Internet.

As I watched a straight-faced Shoshana walking down the streets of New York, as she is sometimes greeted but mostly cat-called, harassed and stalked, all with a stoic nonchalance. I couldn’t help but think of the many times I had to watch my back on the street, at the bus stop, in the movie theater, in the elevator and I can go on.. because some men feel that they can whistle, cat-call, sing , leer, stare and even paw off at me or any other girl. All this because some men seem to confuse the public spaces to be their personal ‘harems’ to which they have unlimited access! It’s not just frustrating but scary at times and it doesn’t help that some can go from zero to ‘outrage’ in ten seconds.

Shoshana walks with a single-minded determination to ‘expose’ the daily ordeal of a woman on streets. The barrage of comments on the video ranged from sympathy, to apology, to pointing out her ‘vanity’ and took a dangerous turn to the ‘rape threats’! Boy that escalated quickly!

A ‘rape threat’, really? For a video on sexual harassment? Oh the irony! or Oh the patriarchy?

Let’s see, an exposé on sexual harassment  can have truly diverse opinions and responses. It could be empathy, denial or even dismissal but CAN rape be one of them? Since when did it become an option? Or has it been the case all along? The real issue now is not so much the offense (i.e., the ordeal of that woman on the street…) It is the fact that, the response to it is an even bigger offense. Too confusing? Quite like the issue itself. On the one hand, men and women all over the world who watched Emma Watson deliver the heart-felt speech at the UN HeForShe campaign, are loving or/and hating, but at-least talking about the dreaded ‘F’ word- ‘feminism’. On the other, the ‘response’ to being harassed on street is not moral outrage, but the moral outage!

Forget the dirty leering, unwelcome touching and obscene gestures but even using seemingly ‘innocent’ names like ‘sweetie’, ‘beauty’, ‘babe’,etc. may appear harmless at the outset but the point is, it is NOT your right, place or privilege to do that to a complete stranger. It is NOT flattering, it is not wanted. It is not welcome. JUST STOP IT!, for it is a woman’s space too!    Oh! Also, did I forget to mention a dress is not an invitation for sexual harassment?
‘He’ does not have to be FOR ‘She’. He and She can definitely co-exist but only if there is room and respect for both on the streets, in the restaurants, in the means of public transport, in the theaters, hell, even in the dark alleyways.  We don’t need sermons on ‘feminism’ and ‘gender equality’, just sanity and common sense. ‘ShewithHe’

-Urooj Fathima

Child-free

                  To have or not have is the question of the hour!


Yes, you read it right! It’s ‘child-free’ and NOT ‘child-less’. One implies physiological inability and the other is a right and an option.
I (and my husband, of course) choose a life without kids. No, we are not misanthropes, yes, we had a great childhood and most importantly, we are very secure adults. I cannot possibly stress enough, the fact that its a choice…a conscious decision to lead a life without children.


Today, gender transformation, homosexuality, atheism etc. are not taboos.
I am not equating these issues with being child-free. They are not the same, I agree. But the point I am trying to make is the same. My life, my choice and I am not apologetic about it!


Being child-free is not an easy decision to make.  It requires more effort and investment than planning a child! You have to be very sure of everything. Yes, I mean everything…. you have to do a lot of soul searching along with your partner if you two are ‘enough’. Do you complete each other? Do you really think this long life is even without the joys that do come along with a kid? Will I ever regret not having kids in future? Can you survive the social pressure? Can you take another one of those pitiful looks you get each time you tell someone you have no kids what so ever? How do you deal with look of ‘horror’ on the faces of people, akin to that of a 6 year old on learning ‘there is no Santa’!

Over and above, do you really want to ‘go’ without leaving anyone behind? These life-changing doubts and questions are difficult enough without being subject to scrutiny from every Tom, Dick and Harry. Add the ticking time-bomb of a biological clock… Yes, that’s pressure! Too many questions and very few people to understand and/or consult with.


Well, kudos to the people who do it. But not being a parent is not an endless parties, evasion of responsibilities, concerts and evenings out. In fact, its about a quiet night, a meaningful conversation with your spouse, investment of time, energy and youth in doing something you want to and not something you have to! It’s about steering your life in a direction you want to.


I am not saying these joys are not possible with kids, but to say that a life without one is ‘incomplete’ or ‘superficial’ is plain wrong. In fact, it is a decision of such magnitude that it  involves more consideration and planning than a decision to have have kids! It requires a certain level of selflessness to make peace, going against a very primal urge to procreation, to not leave your biological imprint behind!


It is also a moral stand against the notion that a woman is a birthing machine!
There are a thousand reasons to have a child and a thousand arguments to not have one… BUT only one is right…the right of a child to be born in a family that loves and wants it. Otherwise, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.


Everyone wants to wake up in the morning to have something to look forward to, and just because the ‘bundle of joy’ does not come wrapped in a poopy diaper, does not mean that life cannot be worthwhile!

– Urooj Fathima

Lonely...

Yes, the title is a little depressing! In a world where one can track events in advance, remain in touch with anyone, anywhere and anytime, it’s sad to see a 25 year old take her own life! Last night Jiah Khan killed herself and left the world shocked!

Jiah Khan sadly, is not the first and unfortunately, wont be the last to take her own life. Yet, one would hope that people, young and old, take note from their predecessors. The very thought of ‘suicide’ is chilling and morbid and when those in limelight resort to it, it makes us just stop and take note for a while.

Agreed, she was no Marilyn Monroe. But were the two that different, really? Whatever the course of their individual lives may have been, sadly, the climax remains the same. In fact, its not just them, many beautiful and successful women, across time and continents have shocked the world with their untimely deaths. The world may have lusted after them, but they remained lovelorn and lonely till the very end!

Silk Smitha, Nafisa Joseph, Viveka Babaji and unfortunately, some more died before their talent was showcased to the fullest. I cannot also help but wonder what goes on in the lives of some of these very beautiful, very talented people, who are young, fit, rich  and famous. They seem to ‘have it all’ and yet nothing!

Take for example, the lives of the ultimate ‘sex symbols’ Zeenat Aman, Rekha or the late Parveen Babi  for that matter. They all have something in common, glamour,  beauty and stardom, yeah sure, but also loneliness and heartbreak!

One would think that life is so very easy for these women, who have a burgeoning male following, in addition to the very coveted fame and success. Still, these ‘to die for’ beauties have endured duress and abuse and chased ‘the one’, who gave them nothing but heartache and pain. Maybe it is lonely at the top!

The most beautiful women across time have the knack for picking the most incorrigible men for themselves. The whole world may pine for them but there is always the one who won't. Guess, the heart wants what it wants…

Even as I am writing this, I wonder if I am writing about ‘stars’ and the perils of stardom in particular or ‘regular’ people in general.

After all, we are all on an elusive quest for the ‘one’, person, thing or opportunity that will complete us… It is not always fun to wait and as Shakespeare says, “Sad hours seem long”…..

It may seem easier to retreat but we will always wonder just how close we were to the finishing line!


---Urooj Fathima

Devastated!

Yes, I am devastated, as is every Indian by the news of the death of 'Nirbhaya'.

All of 23 years, this brave girl's life ended in a hospital with tubes jutting out of her body! Little did this girl who dreamt of a career in healing people, imagine that her untimely last breath should come in a hospital. Irony?

Countless protests, candle-light vigils and debates cannot bring back her life, dignity or for that matter restore my faith in human decency itself!

'Nirbhaya', you may be gone but everytime a girl is harassed on the street, your agony will be re-lived. Thousands of conscienceless, perverted brutes walk the streets, waiting only for an opportunity. Sadly, this will not be the last of the heinous crimes committed on a woman. Will it? 

I am dejected, hurt and deeply disturbed by your death. Words cannot express my anguish at your death.... But I would like to say  I am sorry. I am sorry, you did not deserve this painful death. You deserved a life of dignity, a chance to accomplish yourself in the society, a shot at a having family and so much more...

The least this country can do for you is punish the guilty and make the streets a safer place for  women, laud you for fighting back till the very last breath, even after facing the adversity of the magnitude that very unfortunately befell upon you. For that I salute you!

As cynical as this sounds, newspapers will find something else to write about, people will move on with their lives. But I hope that the perpetrators of the crime will get the due punishment they deserve and some more! I urge and pray that their punishment be a deterrent for any thug who thinks about unleashing himself upon a woman.

To think that you are gone saddens me...but I light up with the thought that you are in a better place now. I bid you a tearful good-bye and thank you. Thank you for inspiring women to fight back, you sent a message that, no matter what, one should not take these dastardly acts lying down. You are a fighter. You are a martyr!

----Urooj Fathima

In Switzerland....

Ages ago, the very sensuos Sridervi (Bollywood actress), crooned to a melodious song, 'Tere mere honton pe' in the film 'Chandini'. I didnt like the film, mainly because I was too young to understand what was going on there. As a kid, I watched the song and all I took from it was the image of Sridevi in a bright yellow Saree and the breathtaking backdrop of Switzerland. Of course, I didnt realize then, that this image, well, not so much of Sridevi but the lush green locale in the song would go on to become a life-long fascination with Switzerland.

The beautiful landscape with snow-covered peaks, the boistrous colours of the flowers, the crystal clear rivers and lakes, the clean roads, the beautiful trains and of course, the much talked about 'Swiss perfection', makes this country a very popular tourist destination.

For most Indians, if not all, the very mention of Switzerland makes us feel like hopeless romantics. It is synonymous with romance (not necessarily love!) or the idea of 'falling' in love. Especially so, for those who grew up watching the bubbly 'Simran' being swept off her feet by the debonair 'Raj' in the movie that epitomizes romance (strictly personal view!). 

'Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge'(DDLJ), may not be the greatest movie ever made, but it certainly created a notion of what romance is or should be all about. The very tag-line of this film, 'come fall in love', transports the audience into a world of love and laughter, songs and soul-mates....A world where it is OK to be vulnerable and clichéd though this may sound, love trumps all odds.

No, this blog is not an homage to DDLJ, which brings me back to the Swiss connection with romance and Indians. Switzerland has been the hotspot and the 'it' location for most of the romantic hindi songs for a long time now and for obvious reasons. But it was DDLJ that made falling in love more spectacular if it happened on a Euro rail trip, especially in this beautiful Valley. 

Ever since I watched it, I too wanted to meet someone special, fall in love and burst into song in the Alpine bliss. Well, I did meet someone, fall in love, but the 'Alpine bliss' part had to wait.

It happened last month, the Genie was out of the bottle and my wish was granted. It was time to fly to the dainty land where birds sing and the flowers croon. By now this particular blog has probably given you an idea about what a realistic person I am...I mean who amongst us hasn't had a childhood obsession to spend a fortune and run off to a fantasy land. Very real and acceptable. Right? I thought so!

In consistence with my very very realistic expectations from this trip was one very small and hardly worth mentioning request to my hubby dearest...I told him, all I wanted from this trip was 'nothing'...'nothing but perfection'! Please dont tell me it was too much to ask! For the life of me I dont know why but he seemed very tensed from then on. Et voila! all the reservations were in First class and the Hotels there had a spectacular view!  

Switzerland I did go and saw the most gorgeous mountain peaks and the pristine lakes, travelled in the most scenic trains and enjoyed the splendid cable car rides, soaked in the beauty of the serene villages and the spectacular valleys, kissed a thousand robust flowers and had fun with the flaky snow. Gosh! I really have seen it all!

From the lovely Lucern to the top of Titlis, the interesting Interlaken and the bustling Zurich, the quaint Zermatt and the the quiet St.Moritz, this place was a continuous panoramic shot, painted by 'the most talented Hand of all'.

So what if I didnt meet Raj 'there' and fall in love 'there'.... My Raj was with me and what's more and this is very important, he paid for the trip and more...
I guess its safe to say, I had it better than Simran all the while. 

This trip, apart from fulfilling my long-lasting wish to visit the Valley, taught me a great lesson in life and I hope hubby dearest is reading this, that a magic trip is just a 'request' away!

---Urooj fathima

Remembered!

What can I say that hasn’t been said before, what can I say that hasn’t been heard before and what can I say that hasn’t been written before ?

Well, it's the 11th anniversary (I do not like the word in this context!) of the dreaded 9/11 attacks. It has been a bleak decade filled with death, wars, rampant racial profiling, unemployment and recession. But today, I am not discussing the horrors or the aftermath of the attacks. I want to remember those people who died... many unawares, some prepared (the soldiers, I mean) and others just being in the wrong place at the wrong time!

My heart goes to everyone who lost their dear ones. The people in the seemingly unaware work-force, trying earn an honest day’s living, buried in their offices, the heroic firefighters who diligently answered the call of duty, dousing the billowing smoke and fire, the gallant soldiers who fought the 'war on terror’, lost their lives and limbs, exhibiting the highest spirit of nationalism. How can I forget the the unsuspecting ‘terror suspects’, the numerous men detained, tortured and mercilessly thrown into a world unknown to man and the scores of resilient civilians who saw the end of a dictatorial regime and walked right into the eye of the storm and in this case the battlefield! The proverbial ‘out of mud into the mire’ horror, that is their life today.

Images of this horrific incident are still fresh and so are the wounds inflicted by the perpetrators of terror. Numerous theories, documentaries, movies etc., debunking myths on 9/11 have occupied the centerfold of newsprint and prime-time alike. The 'Conspiracy' theory, the 'Insider trade’ theory, the ‘Fake tapes’ theory have questioned and shaken the very core of this atrocity. Whether this incident was an act of hate or tactful decision to dip into the oil wells, no one knows. Which theory is right and which is not, we may possibly never get an answer. But what is true and real, is the pain inflicted on everyone who lost their lives on that day and whose death in the years to come, can be linked back to the most dastardly act in recent history -‘9/11'. Fear of numbers anyone?

It’s 11 years today and world relations and equations with countries are more fragile than ever. Whether the ‘war on terror’ is worth the trouble is still debatable but it continues to be a difficult battle for everyone affected by the repercussions of this horrific event. Endless bloodshed, increase in crimes of hate, racial profiling, intolerance towards an entire community are all sadly, a reality.

The families have not yet recovered from their shock and loss and probably never will! Passionate discussions and debates will carry-on, new information will be discovered and the interest this topic generates, for what ever reason, will continue to grow. But today, I don’t want to take anything away and trivialize the pain of all those who are still suffering.

For, as difficult as it is to bid good-bye to those who lost their lives a little too early, on this day, all we can do is offer our sincere condolences to the of bereaving families of the victims of this tragedy.  

But for those seeking closure, it’s 11 years and still counting!

Urooj Fathima